Fantasy vs. Reality — The Good Men Project
Fantasy vs. Reality
We’ve all been there…feeling randy and in the mood to share some good lovin’. Maybe you want to spice things up a bit? Dress up slutty-sexy, act out a role or tell a naughty tale? At some point most of us have shared a fantasy with our lover. Oh so often, upon hearing our super-secret, sexy, hot stories while in flagrante delicto, our lover interprets this as an invitation to make it a reality and enthusiastically begins to plan out how to make our vision come true.
Dearest lover, when we give in to our desire and risk upping the hotness factor by sharing a secret fantasy with you to enhance our intimacy, we are NOT telling you to rush out and book the closest dungeon, buy that set of BDSM gear you’ve been secretly eyeing on Amazon or place an ad on Craigslist seeking that special unicorn for a ménage à trois.
Before we dive into the differences between fantasy and reality, let’s make sure we agree upon the definition of the word fantasy. Here is a widely accepted definition.
fan·ta·sy
ˈfan(t)əsē/
noun
- the faculty or activity of imagining things, especially things that are impossible or improbable.
Let’s start with that thought — imagining things, especially things that are impossible or improbable. This clearly states that fantasy is imagining. The closest you might come to reality is the word improbable.
im·prob·a·ble
imˈpräbəb(ə)l/
adjective
- not likely to be true or to happen.
Ahhh… so not likely to happen. So, when we are doing the horizontal bop and choose to get vulnerable and share a fantasy with our lover we are beginning from what we believe is a mutual understanding that what we are about to share is not something we are actively seeking to make real.
If we wanted to try it out in actuality we would be having a completely different conversation about it at a later time — AFTER sex. Bringing a fantasy to life is not something to be decided upon in sexy whispers whilst in the midst of a passionate coupling. Those freaky fantasies are not fodder for a fun-fueled night of friskiness outside bedroom boundaries.
Conversations such as those are delicate. Imagine the dismay upon realizing your lover has taken your private fantasy as a green light to plan a real-life escapade while in the throes of hot, sweaty, passionate bunny love. Such a topic deserves serious attention, abundant amounts of trust, and a safe environment in which to talk openly. Both parties need to be in a place of mutual balance and curiosity; not breathing heavily, with an elevated heart rate and a deep desire to surrender to our partner, agreeing with anything they ask as the endorphins and oxytocin blow us out of the rational plane of existence during a mind-bending orgasm.
Studies have shown that upwards of 98% of all people have had sexual fantasies. 79.5% of them use fantasy for arousal purposes. 69.8% are curious about new experiences and sensations. 59.7% use it to meet unfulfilled sexual needs, 59.4% to temporarily escape reality, and 58.4% to express or fulfill a socially taboo sexual desire; among other statistics. Lehmiller, J. J. (2018)
Fantasies are normal. We engage in them for a variety of reasons, most of which are healthy and a few that are not. They can be a wonderfully erotic addition to our bedroom repertoire when used properly and judiciously.
The key here is to leave them in the bedroom. If you have a partner who is willing to share his or her fantasies as you bump beautiful bits count yourself lucky! If you want to consider taking the fantasy out of the bedroom and into the wide, wild world, please wait until another time to raise the subject. It is best to find a time and place, free of distractions to maturely discuss what acting out a sexual fantasy would entail. It takes trust, planning, and open, authentic discussions to co-create a fantasy night in the real world.
Until then, keep it hot, keep it sexy and erotic, and keep it in the bedroom! Allow your imagination to run wild, secure in the knowledge that it is only a fantasy shared between two consenting adults. Go forth and play lover!
Photo: Shutterstock
Originally published at https://goodmenproject.com on July 30, 2019.
