Dear Lover, I Promise You This

You and I, and likely much of the rest of the world, spend an inordinate amount of time avoiding emotional intimacy because it scares the sh*t out of us.

We tease each other, we disappear into our computers and cell phone screens, we escalate conflicts, we retreat into silence, we numb ourselves with T.V., and an infinite number of other ways to avoid the pain we have experienced in past relationships going all the way back to childhood.

Loving deeply, completely, and intimately calls for us to draw upon our courage in huge ways when faced with the potential suffering that will ultimately occur when relationships end, whether that be in one month, one year, five years, or at the end of our lives.

To experience the deepest love and intimacy requires a leap into the unknown. Who, but those who are fearlessly terrified, would dare such an act?

You and I are courageous creatures still deciding daily how vulnerable we are willing to be with those we want to know intimately and those we want to know us. How much are we willing to risk for this thing called love?

Our sometimes indecisive steps need to be pointed out — not to judge ourselves for moving too hesitantly or needing a new process, but rather to acknowledge just how much we risk for this level of emotional connection and how much we desire to bare our true being to another in the hopes of unconditional acceptance. It is a risk worth commendation.

So often we choose to look at what mistakes we have made, the failures that litter our hearts, and the opportunities supposedly lost. Let us, instead, give ourselves the gift of gratitude for all that we have done well. We deserve kudos for how utterly amazing we are, for our willingness to lean into the discomfort of emotional nudity.

Let us celebrate how strong we are — so strong that we are able to transcend our mutual histories and create new, ever-changing paradigms together. Those to whom we grant such intimate access will reflect back our own perception of ourselves. The purity of the reflection is commensurate with the depth and breadth of trust we gift them.